Chapter 9 "The Fatherless"

I believe with all my heart that a home without a father is the most debilitating factor for a person’s social, moral, emotional and spiritual life. It is heartbreaking to see a child grow up without a dad. It is even sadder when the situation is not caused by the natural or tragic death of a father. Children are being socially, morally, emotionally and spiritually crippled because of selfish and irresponsible decisions of adults. Someone once said that “any man can be a "father"....it takes a REAL man to be a "DAD".

Before you take my word for it, let me give you some statistics:

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all Gods Children.)
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

You can see the strategy of the devil. Jesus taught us about the Father’s (God) love and told us to share that same love. He tells us in John Chapter 14 verse 9 “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.” The image of a father has been so distorted by devices of the devil that when you talk of a Father God it literally shuts people down. Many say to themselves, “The Father’s Love! Are you kidding me? I have never known a father that loves me!”

It is obvious that Jesus anticipated this strategy of the evil one and the Word of God gave us the hope of the promise in Malachi 4:6 “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers…” We need to keep praying, believing and hoping in the fulfillment of this prophetic promise. At the same time we cannot afford to stand back and wait. There are young boys and men in our nation and around the world that need Godly men as mentors and role models.

I have ministered in inner city communities to over two hundred children with only one home that I was aware of that had a father living in the home! In one community in the Pittsburgh area, we began our Power Sidewalk Sunday School. There was a nine year old boy named Johnny. He was an obvious leader to the rest of the children. Johnny had a great influence on the other children and he was determined to ruin the program. During the praise he would cross his arms and refuse to sing and participate. The kids would enjoy the fun songs until Johnny would catch their eyes. Immediately they stopped even though they were enjoying it very much.

Each week we showed up I would get so frustrated. What would it take to breakthrough to this hardened kid? I found out that Johnny’s dad was in prison. His mom had many other children. Johnny was being raised by his alcoholic grandmother. This was one tough kid! As I was praying for a breakthrough for Johnny, the Holy Spirit inspired me to ask Johnny to go fishing with me. I love fishing! I spend much of my free time fishing. When you love something and spend time doing it, you usually become good at it. I was going to take Johnny fishing.

That week at the Power Hour I approached Johnny before the program and informed him that I wanted to talk to him afterwards. His immediate response was, “Why? What did I do?” He said with an attitude. I told him to just hang around afterwards and get with me. He approached me as we were cleaning up after the program. He came with two of his buddies and defiantly asked again “What did I do?” I answered, “You didn’t do anything. I was just wondering if you would like to go fishing with me tomorrow afternoon?”

Immediately this kid who had been hardened beyond his years became a child again. A huge smile came to his face. “Sure! When? Where?” He could not contain himself. The other boys were in awe and I could see jealousy on their faces. I told him that I would pick him up at 3:00 p.m. the following day but we needed to ask his grandma first. She agreed and our fishing trip was set.

I picked up my friend Walt and together we proceeded to the Hill District of Pittsburgh to pick Johnny up for the first fishing trip of his life. This was the Hill District. While going up a steep hill to pick him up, my van started chugging and eventually stopped running! I had to get a tow truck to get it home. Johnny’s grandmother did not have a phone and there was no way to contact him to tell him what happened. I was in agony as I was imagining this anxious boy sitting on the curb waiting. I was sick to my stomach. To Johnny I had just become like every other man in his life. I promised to be there and did not show up!

It took a almost a week to get the van fixed. It was fixed just in time to for the next Power Hour. When we showed up on the old basketball court where we always set up, Johnny was nowhere to be found. I made my way to his grandmother’s apartment. As she let me in I could see Johnny in the dimly lit living room sitting with his arms crossed and an angry look on his face. I immediately apologized and told him what had happened and begged for another chance. I offered to pick him up the following morning. Reluctantly, he nodded his head in agreement. I could see the skepticism and mistrust in his eyes. His grandmother informed me that he would be staying with his mom in another neighborhood and gave me the directions and address. She also sternly told me that I better bring her some fresh fish back. Now I had two promises to fulfill.

This time my van made it and I picked up Johnny early that next morning. I do not think he slept and it only took one blast of the car horn for him to come running. We first ate some breakfast then headed off to one of my favorite fishing holes. It was on the Beaver River. When we got there I was disappointed to see that heavy rains a few days earlier had swollen the river to where it was almost un-fishable. We manage to find a place to settle in and cast into the muddy waters. Grandma was going to be disappointed but Johnny was not. We did not even get a bite but we skipped rocks, ventured along the river’s edge and just did what guys do when the fish are not biting. We finally gave up fishing and went to “Mac Donald’s” (every kid’s favorite). I let him order whatever he wanted and he could not believe it. On the way home Johnny told me that this was the best day of his life! I told him if he thought this was good then just wait until the fish were biting next time. With eyes as big as saucers he exclaimed, “We are going to do this again?” I answered, “You better believe it! Your grandma is not going to let us get away without catching her some fresh fish!”

Johnny and I had quite a few more fishing trips together and yes, Grandma got her fish. More importantly Johnny used his influence with the other children and became a great role model to the other kids. He helped with every aspect of our program. He helped us lead the praise. He was the last one to leave as he and his buddies picked up the trash. I did not try to be Johnny’s dad but I did try to be big brother, mentor and friend.

I believe the promise of Malachi 4:6. “I know that it will be fulfilled someday.” In the meantime there are children all over the world who need big brothers and sisters. Role models and mentors that can and will change their lives for ever. It does not take much. A little time, an occasional trip to “Mac Donald’s”, and the love of the Father God poured through you to change a life of a child forever.