Chapter 10 Celebrate Failure

Dr. John Stanko is a pastor, speaker and writer of many books. He is a good friend, mentor and fellow board member for our organization. Every year Dr. John has a “celebrate failure” day. He encourages those he influences to do the same. I have joined him in this celebration. I have come to the conclusion, with many others, that my failures have been better teachers than my successes.

My original goal in ministry was to be a “successful” children’s pastor in a large church. I previously wrote that after Bible School the opportunity presented itself for me to serve as a children’s pastor in a Chinese Church in Singapore for one year. It was an internship set up by my friend and mentor Pastor Mark Geppert. He reminded me often that it was an “internship” so I was allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. The pastor of the church in Singapore, Pastor Song Meng Liang, was also very wise and gracious. He also reminded me often that I should do my best but there was room for mistakes to learn from.

My family and I made the move to Singapore. It was exciting to be in a new culture. This was my chance to be released in my gifting and calling. I worked hard in developing the children’s ministry at the church and it began to grow. The church, especially the parents, were happy with our work and ministry. I had made a few cultural mistakes along the way but nothing too serious. When I would make the mistakes, Pastor Song would just laugh and help me to see the error and help me understand why it happened. He often said that I could get away with it without too much damage because I was a foreigner.

Somewhere along the way I forgot that it was an internship, a place to learn and grow. Things were going well but it went to my head. I set my heart to be “Super Children’s Pastor”. Not only was I ministering successfully in Pastor Song’s church, I was getting opportunities to minister in other churches and schools throughout Singapore. I was spending more time working than was expected of me and I began to neglect my family.

We should never sacrifice our families for success. My family needed even more attention than a normal situation because of living in another culture. I refused to see this and as a result it brought pressure on my marriage.

I continued to strive and put self made pressure upon myself until one day I became very ill. I had a high fever and severe chest pains. I tried to ignore the pains but finally they became so severe that I asked Debra to please get me to the hospital. Pastor Song was also our neighbor so she contacted him. He rushed me to the Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore.

As in most hospitals, when someone has chest pains they give them fast and very attentive treatment. They began to take blood and hook me up to tubes. I was so sick from the high fever in addition to the chest pains. I remember a male nurse or doctor coming to Debra and informing her that they took an enzyme count and the results showed that I was having a heart attack or a heart infection! How could this be? I was only thirty-seven years old? What did this mean for the rest of my life?

On top of being so sick, I got severely depressed. I remember lying in that emergency room as they prepared a room to admit me. I felt like a total failure. I had failed my wife and children. I had failed in ministry. And now my body had failed me. My mind began to race into depression and thoughts of failure.

The doctors had diagnosed that in addition to the heart attack I had a blood infection. They treated me with antibiotics and in a few days the fever left and I felt well. The hospital was ready to release me to the care of a cardiologist. My appointment with him revealed that I had blockage in my heart. The doctor informed us that at the very least I needed angioplast and quite possibly open heart surgery. He suggested we go back to the States for further treatment of this kind. He gave me some nitro-glycerin tablets just in case my heart would fail before reaching home.

Dealing with feelings of complete failure and disappointment, we made our way back to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was referred to Dr. David Chang. Dr. Chang was from Singapore of all places! He was also a born again believer. Being a believer he suggested that I have more tests to determine the extent of the blockage. Many people had been praying and he said, “Perhaps God has healed you?”

Dr. Chang scheduled the tests immediately. They shot me up with some radioactive isotope and put me on an MRI table. After the tests he informed me that it would be a couple of days before getting the results. Waiting around for the results was too much for me especially since it was trout fishing season. I took off for a fishing trip to north central Pennsylvania. The fishing was great but the results of the tests loomed in the back of my mind. I caught a limit of trout early on the second day and then made my way to a pay telephone in a restaurant parking lot near the creek. Debra answered and I immediately asked if the doctor had called. In a depressed voice she acknowledged that he did. My mind went in a million different directions in that split second. I then anxiously asked her what were the results? Once a again in a depressed tone she said, “The doctor said…” she hesitated, “get off the medicine, no more appointments were necessary, your are healed!” There was no blockage!

The doctor in Singapore definitely diagnosed blockage and sent the documentation to confirm it back with me. Somewhere between Singapore and the States I had received a miracle!

I decided that since I had a healthy heart I was going to go to Nepal to work in an orphanage and to take a trek in the highest mountains for the world to distribute Gospel materials to unreached Nepalis. The trip was set for July.

July arrived quickly and my fifteen year old daughter, Elizabeth, and Tim Gardner, the youth pastor from our church made our way to Nepal. We arrived at the Mendies Haven Orphanage. “Mummy” Elizabeth Mendies was over the orphanage. Mummy was at that time an eighty-six year old Canadian who had been raising orphaned children in Nepal for over forty years. There were twenty-two beautiful children at the orphanage. Mummy made them all learn and speak English at the orphanage. Everyday we would teach them Bible lessons and new Christian songs. They loved the time we spent with them.

One morning Mummy brought our attention to a ten-thousand foot peak that was near to the Home. She first pointed to the snow capped mountains in the distance and said, “Son, if you plan to trek towards those mountains you better spend a day practicing on that smaller mountain.” She assigned Ashok to us and we headed off to spend a day climbing the smaller mountain. Ashok was around twenty years old. He grew up at the Haven and his English was good. He also had a great sense of humor and was always telling us jokes. As Ashok led us up the mountain a downpour broke loose. We were only halfway up but he informed us that we ought to go back because of the danger of mudslides.

Cold and wet we made out way back to the home. The home had two buildings, one for the boys and one for the girls. Tim Gardner and I stayed in the boys building. We made our way up to our room and took off our wet clothes. The boys from the home loved coming in our room where we would play and wrestle with them. They followed us into the room as we got warm and dried off. My wallet had gotten soaked and I began to take everything out to dry, driver’s license, money, etc. As I was taking everything out of the wallet, I came across the nitro glycerin tablets given to me by the doctor in Singapore. They were sealed in a bubble pack and were still good. My thought was that I was healed so I threw them in the trash bin. The other Tim was busy having a pillow fight with the boys and looking at these inquisitive little boys I had second thoughts about throwing the nitro-glycerin tablets in the trash bin. I removed them put them back in my wallet to dispose of at another time.

The next day we began our trek carrying heavy back packs filled mostly with Gospel material. For the first eight hours we hiked up a steep river bed. Ashok would laugh and say “We haven’t gone up yet!” Over and over he would laugh and say this as I huffed and puffed up the the trail beside the river. We stopped at a stone hut that offered Coca-Colas that were cooled in the river water. As I was enjoying my Coke, Ashok motioned for me to come join him as he peered around the corner of the building. When I reached him he began to laugh as I immediately looked up. As far as I could see was a trail of uneven steps going up the side of the mountain! “Now we go up!” he said as he laughed.

There is a song taken from Psalm 73 that says “God is the strength of my heart…” I sang this song over and over as we made our way up the seemingly never ending steps. This was surely the test of my healed heart and the miracle I received. Twelve hours later we made it to the top and then made our way along the ridges to the different villages as we handed out the Gospel material.

After four days we had handed out most of the material and we were making our way down from the high elevations. The narrow trail wound down along a deep canyon. On one side of us was a rock wall and on the other was a thousand foot drop to the river. This trail was a major source of transportation for the Nepalis who lived in these villages. At thirty-seven years old, I was the oldest on our small team. The rest were all much faster than me. As we proceeded down they were always a few hundred yards ahead.

I caught up to the team at a spot in the trail that had opened up into large a grassy area. It was a place where the villagers and trekkers would rest as they would go up and down the mountain. A crowd of people had gathered. I saw Elizabeth near the middle standing near an elderly looking Nepali woman lying on the ground. I immediately asked Elizabeth what was going on? She informed me that the lady appeared to be having a heart attack. Her left arm had gone numb, she was short of breath and had chest pains. She and her husband had made their way down to the village below to find a doctor. The doctor wanted payment before treating her. They had nothing so he had turned them away. She was making her way back up to her village. Her poor husband was kneeling beside her crying and begging for help.

Immediately I remembered the nitro-glycerin tablets in my wallet. I quickly removed one from the bubble pack and gave it to Ashok with instructions to tell her to put the pill under her tongue and do not swallow it. Ashok gave me a puzzled look as if to ask “Where did this come from?” I told him to do it quickly. The lady did not resist and followed his directions. She had been clutching her chest. The medicine immediately took effect and you could see her pain ease as she let go of her chest. She began to wiggle her fingers on her left hand in amazement. She sat up and a smile came upon her face. The crowd was also amazed. Her husband was even more amazed. She stood to her feet. Her husband ran to me and grabbed my hand, kissed it and began to press it to his forehead. I freaked out as I realized he was trying to thank me by worshipping me! He was a Hindu who believed in over three million gods and I was just added to his list of deities.

I quickly pulled my hand away and pulled out a book from my backpack. It was a colorful comic book-like track. It told the story of Jesus. I informed Ashok to read it to this man and woman. The whole crowd listened as Ashok read and pointed to the pictures of Jesus. It was a short track and when he finished he interpreted as I spoke to the man and his wife, “This Jesus is the One who sent me here with this medicine that has saved your life!” They joyfully nodded their heads acknowledging their understanding. The crowd watched as Ashok led them in a prayer to thank Jesus for this wonderful miracle.

The crowd began to disperse as we said our farewells. We headed down the mountain as the couple headed up. Once again my younger team members proceeded on ahead leaving me alone. I began to thank the Lord for his goodness towards this couple. The Holy Spirit began speaking in my heart, “Remember all the disappointment and depression that you suffered with the sickness and heart attack? Remember the discouragement as you proceeded back to the USA?” With tears streaming down my face He reminded me of that difficult time. The Holy Spirit continued, “You went through all of that for the sake of that woman. All the humility and suffering you went through was so I could get those pills to that woman so she could experience and hear the Gospel.”

As I received a new perspective on my suffering, I thanked the Lord for allowing me to be used in such a way. The Holy Spirit gave me revelation from the life of King David. In 2 Samuel David becomes King of all of Israel. Verse 12 says “And David realized that the LORD had confirmed him as king over Israel and had blessed his kingdom for the sake of his people Israel.” Young David was anointed as King by Prophet Nathan in 1 Samuel 17. David suffered many years of trials, tribulations and hardships before he finally was crowned King over Israel and Judah. He was rejected by leadership. He lived in poverty depending upon the priests to give him bread to eat. He had to hide to keep from being killed. His wife was given to another man. He was surrounded by the broke, busted and disgusted. David now reflects on his life and realizes that all the hardships and trials he went through was for the sake of the people. The sufferings he experienced helped shape him to be the king he needed to be for the people he now served.

This brought much comfort to my heart. The tears had ceased as I proceeded down the mountain trail. I was feeling good about all that happened since the heart attack. Once again the Holy Spirit spoke and asked me this hard question, “Would you do it again?” I did not answer quickly. Once again the tears flowed as I pondered this question. After quite a while I answered, “Lord, I will go where you want me to go. I will do what you want me to do. I will say what you want me to say, for You are Lord. I ask this one thing of You. If You choose to ever use me in such a way again, please to do not forewarn me. I give you permission to use me, but just let me walk it out!”

I believe all of us can look back on our lives and see our mistakes and failures. If we allow the Lord to use those times we can celebrate failure as a great teacher and molder of our character. Our pain can be used and we will realize that we experienced these times for the sake of others. Our pain may help to relieve others of their pain and maybe prevent them from making the mistakes and failures that we have made.